But with all those gifts, how much did my true love spend on Christmas? Now bear in mind that some of these gifts are not things that are easy to purchase – for example, some of the birds are wild animals. So, this is all just in jest and put together using very quick and simple Google searches (and some creative license!). 

We start off simple – a partridge in a pear tree.  An oven-ready partridge will only set you back around a fiver and a pear tree should be around £30. 

Next, we’re looking for two turtle doves and three French hens. That’ll set you back a bit more than a partridge. So maybe around £30 a day.  

Moving on we need four calling birds and five gooooold rings. Since calling birds could mean a bird such as a starling which is wild, we’ll assume our true love is giving us an ornament. A quick Etsy search shows ornaments on sale for around £20. For our rings, let’s go with a budget option as the costs are stacking up. A simple 9 carat band should set you back about £120.  

We’ll assume that our geese are intended for the yard not the table, so they’ll set you back around £15-20 per bird. The swans, however, are more difficult. All unclaimed swans in the UK are the property of His Majesty the King so we can’t buy any. Let’s go for some lovely crystal swans at about £100 each instead. 

For our maids a milking and our ladies dancing we think our true love would hire some actors. Let’s says £100 each for our maids and £200 each for our dancers. 

Next on our shopping list – lords a leaping, pipers piping and drummers drumming. The daily attendance rate for a member of the House of Lords is £180. You can hire a bagpipe player for around £300 and a drummer for about £250. 

Have you kept track? By our reckoning we think our true love is looking at a bill of around £35,000. Now, if our true love is spending all this money just for Christmas, we really hope they have a solid financial plan in place! 

Aside from the cost of such a Christmas gift, we also have to wonder, why so many birds?...